The Blog
Stop Waiting for Your Friends to Want More
The “we should” that never happens
There’s a version of this conversation that happens all the time in motherhood.
“We should go for a run together.”
“We should book that class.”
“We should definitely do something soon.”
And in the moment, it feels real. Everyone agrees. There’s a shared sense that something might actually happen – that this time, it won’t just be talk.
But then nothing follows.
No one books it. No one suggests a time. No one takes it any further. And slowly, those “we shoulds” stop feeling like plans and start feeling like placeholders – things we say because we want them to be true, not because they’re actually going to happen.
When you’re the one who keeps trying to make it happen
If you’re someone who enjoys movement, or trying new things, or simply doing something with your time, you’ll probably recognise what comes next.
You become the one who suggests things. The one who looks up the class, shares the link, offers a time, tries to make it easy. And yet, somehow, it still feels like you’re pushing something uphill.
Which is confusing, because just moments before, the same people were telling you how much they want this. How they miss exercise. How they need to get back into it. How they wish they did more.
But when the opportunity is right there, ready and waiting, it doesn’t quite translate into action.
And over time, that disconnect becomes harder to ignore.
What it actually feels like on the other side
From the outside, it can look like you’re just someone who is naturally motivated. Someone who finds it easy to show up, to get out, to do the things.
But the truth is, it isn’t always easy.
And more than that, it can feel quite lonely.
Because doing things on your own was never really the goal. You don’t want to always be the one heading out for a run alone, or taking your kids out for the day by yourself, or showing up to things without anyone beside you.
You want people to share it with. You want that feeling of doing life alongside others, not just in parallel.
The shift: doing it anyway
At some point, something changes.
Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, almost reluctant decision. You stop waiting.
You sign up to the class anyway. You go for the run. You pack the picnic, take your kids out, and make the day happen – even if no one joins you.
Not because you don’t care about having people there, but because you realise how much of your life you’re putting on hold while you wait for someone else to want it too.
And that realisation is both freeing and uncomfortable.
The gap no one really talks about
Part of what sits underneath all of this is something much bigger than friendship.
We live in a culture full of “shoulds.” You should exercise. You should take care of yourself. You should prioritise your mental health. You should find balance.
There’s no shortage of messaging around it.
But much of it stays at the surface.
It becomes something we talk about, rather than something we truly understand or experience. Exercise, in particular, has been positioned in a way that often feels either intimidating or performative – tied up in gym culture, aesthetics, or the pressure to “bounce back.”
And for a lot of women, especially in motherhood, that creates distance rather than connection.
Because when movement is framed as something you have to do perfectly, consistently, or at a certain level, it becomes another pressure – not a support.
What gets lost in that narrative is what movement actually does.
Not just physically, but mentally.
The reduction in cognitive load.
The increase in emotional capacity.
The ability to handle stress more effectively.
The sense of identity it gives you back.
The way it connects you to other people in a way that feels natural and shared.
Research consistently shows that women often report greater improvements in mood after exercise than men – largely because they tend to start from a place of higher mental load and stress.
Which means the very thing that feels hardest to prioritise is often the thing that would help the most.
But when all we see is pressure, expectation, or an unrealistic version of what it should look like, it’s no wonder the gap between intention and action feels so wide.
The uncomfortable truth about people and patterns
At some point, you start to see things more clearly.
Not everyone wants to live in the same way.
Not everyone wants to prioritise movement, or new experiences, or doing things that require a bit more effort. And that’s not a judgement – it’s just a difference.
But it does mean that you can’t build the life you want by waiting for everyone around you to want the same things.
You can’t convince someone into a lifestyle they’re not intrinsically drawn to.
And you can’t keep shrinking your own desires to make everything feel aligned.
This is where everything starts to change
Because once you accept that, something shifts.
You stop trying to bring everyone with you.
And you start building your life anyway.
You show up. You go first. You do the things that matter to you — not perfectly, not every time, but consistently enough that it becomes part of who you are.
And slowly, almost without forcing it, things begin to change.
You start to meet people who are already on that wavelength. People who don’t need convincing. People who suggest things back. People who show up.
Not because you chased them.
But because you created the environment where they could exist.
A final thought
This isn’t really about your friends.
It’s about whether you’re willing to stop waiting for your life to look the way you want it to.
Because the moment you do that – the moment you choose to live it anyway – is the moment everything starts to expand.
And the people who are meant to be part of that?
They won’t need convincing.
They’ll already be on their way.
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